We’re told the same thing over and over again:
“Men need to talk more.”
It’s on billboards, social media, awareness campaigns, and well-meaning conversations. And while the intention is right, there’s a problem no one seems to address—
Most men don’t actually know what that means.
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The Silence Didn’t Start Here
For many men, silence isn’t a choice. It’s inheritance.
It’s learned at the dinner table.
It’s reinforced on the footy field.
It’s modelled by fathers who carried everything quietly.
“My dad didn’t talk, so I don’t know how.”
That’s not an excuse. That’s reality.
You can’t expect someone to express emotions they were never shown how to understand.
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“What Do I Even Talk About?”
This is where the conversation often breaks down.
Telling men to talk without giving them direction is like handing someone a map with no destination.
Because the real questions men are asking are:
What do I talk about?
What should I be saying?
What am I allowed to say?
And underneath all of that:
Will I be judged?
Will I lose respect?
Will this be used against me later?
So instead, they default to what they know:
“I’m good.”
“I’ll be right.”
“It’s nothing.”
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The Fear Behind the Silence
Men aren’t silent because they don’t feel.
They’re silent because of what might happen if they do speak.
There’s a real fear that:
Vulnerability equals weakness
Honesty leads to rejection
Emotions make them a burden
And in some cases, they’ve tested the waters before…
and it didn’t go well.
So they shut it down.
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“Who’s Actually Listening?”
This is the question that sits at the core of it all.
Because talking isn’t just about speaking—it’s about being heard.
Not fixed.
Not judged.
Not interrupted.
Just… heard.
Many men don’t need a lecture or a solution.
They need someone who can sit in the discomfort with them without trying to change it.
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“What’s Guaranteed If I Talk?”
This might be the hardest truth:
There are no guarantees.
Talking won’t magically fix everything.
It won’t erase the past.
It won’t solve every problem overnight.
But what it can do is:
Take the pressure off carrying it alone
Create connection where there was isolation
Give language to something that’s been bottled up
And sometimes, that’s the difference between coping…
and not coping at all.
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We Need to Change the Message
Instead of just saying “talk more,” we need to start saying:
“Start small.” You don’t have to unpack everything at once.
“You don’t need the right words.” Just honest ones.
“You’re allowed to not be okay.”
“Someone will sit with you, not fix you.”
And more importantly—
We need to show men what it looks like.
Because culture doesn’t change through instructions.
It changes through example.
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A Different Way Forward
What if we stopped asking men to become something they’ve never seen…
and instead created spaces where they can learn it safely?
Where:
There’s no pressure to perform
No expectation to have it all figured out
No judgment for how they express themselves
Just real conversations. At their pace.
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Final Thought
Men don’t need to be told to talk.
They need to be shown:
how
where
and with who it’s safe
Because the truth is—
Most men aren’t choosing silence.
They just don’t know another way yet.
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